DISCONNECTIONS II
by deetatarant
Summary: CHAPTER FOUR: ARCHITECTURE AND MOTALITY. Ianto, Jack and Owen after Cyberwoman. What do you do with a broken man who has nothing left to lose?
1. Chapter 1

**THREE EDGED SWORD**

As far as Jack Harkness was concerned Ianto Jones understood many things. He had a knack of sifting through facts and analysing situations and people that went far beyond his young age. His ability to read people was second to none and Jack didn't think that lightly. If there was one thing that Jack was certain of it was that Ianto would always get to the truth of things. He would know how best to handle the truth and how to share it with his colleagues. After all Ianto understood the power of a lie better than anyone because he was a lie himself. Ianto was the metaphorical three edged blade, a lie on one side, the truth on the other and somewhere in between was his honesty.

Ianto's honesty came out at the most difficult of times. It was puzzling and frightening but when it happened Ianto bared the very depths of his complex and secretive soul for all to see. Jack treasured those moments, no matter how painful they were to witness. These were the times when he saw the courage, rage and raw desire from this extremely restrained young man. He blazed in those moments wielding his passion like a broadsword and anyone who stood in the way didn't stand a chance. Jack realised it was usually him that took the blow. He realised that he would take it every time if it meant he would gain a glimpse of the real man that Ianto was.

Jack would accept everything that Ianto threw at him because he loved him unconditionally and that terrified him more than any Dalek or Cyberman would.

Unfortunately there were things that Jack didn't know how to handle. Ianto's anger, fear and pain were easy. He could deal with that through physical comfort, encouragement and even argument. It allowed Ianto to vent his frustrations in order to help solve his own problems and indulge in great sex. Jack was never one to turn down angry sex.

However there were some things that had Jack running for the hills, moments of kindness and delivered coffees at three am. The patient cleaning up of spilled blood and other bodily discharges after one of his deaths followed by the laundering of his soiled clothes. Ianto did so many things, quietly and without expectation and always the soul of discretion. The power of his understated gestures left Jack wondering what it was he had done to deserve such unbending loyalty.

Ianto did not give such things easily.

Jack understood loyalty. He had seen it in the men and women he had served with over the long years of his life. He had seen it in the bond between the Doctor and Rose Tyler. Loyalty was natural to most humans on some levels, but for Ianto it came at the price of his own heart and very nearly his sanity. It seemed to Jack, that in Ianto's world view loyalty and love meant the same thing. You could not have one without the other. It was why it had been so hard for Ianto during those months of caring for Lisa. His love for her coming into direct conflict with his sense of duty, and the sullying of his morals through lies and deceit almost destroyed him.

The guilt was drowning him, even now 18 months on.

Jack could see it in the fine, tight lines around Ianto's beautiful eyes and rigidity of his of his back. Jack knew there was no cure for this, only a hope that one day Ianto would forgive himself for surviving and move forward with becoming an even greater man than he was now.

Ianto would never see his own greatness. Jack could understand that. Ianto just did his job, taking care of the team and Torchwood itself like a steadfast soldier in the guise of a butler. It was a terrible beauty to behold.

One thing Jack could be absolutely sure of, he could not ask for a better person at his side and to his shame he used that to his own advantage every day. Not that Ianto was some kind of a push over. The Welshman had argued his case on so many occasions. Of, course Ianto would never scream his defiance like Gwen often did. Ianto would fight a private war of paperwork and decaf coffee and any time he disagreed with Jack he publicly supported him but Jack always knew when Ianto disapproved. The signs were very small, like the quirk of an eyebrow or a sceptical roll of those beautiful blues, the depth of a smile measuring his annoyance by degrees of fondness.

Jack loved the challenge, was terrified by it and learnt from it. He often thought the Doctor could take lessons from Ianto Jones.

Jack was pulled from his musings by the comforting scent of Javanese coffee. The mug was placed at his left side. Jack glanced up and met Gwen's eyes, his worry reflected there.

"Thank you Gwen."

She stepped back. "Hopefully Ianto won't disapprove too much, I had to use the plunger rather than risk touching that machine of his."

It was cold in the autopsy bay and Jack watched as she rubbed at her arms. "How is he doing?"

Jack followed her gaze to the man lying on the metal table. One of the rare times that Ianto looked happy was when he was unconscious. Jack ran his fingers through dirt matted hair, mindful of the machinery keeping him alive. The wires and tubes reminded him too much of Lisa and the irony wasn't lost on him.

"Tea Boy will be just fine." Owen's harsh London accent cut through the chilly air, bouncing off the white tiled walls uncomfortably. "He's out of danger now. Should come round soon, but he's gonna need some looking after over the next few weeks."

There was something like awe on Gwen's face. "He saved my life Jack." She spoke quietly and looked like she was barely holding herself together.

Jack nodded, understanding. "He saves mine every time I wake up from Death."

**AN: No idea where this came from but I think I was venting because I was really angry after watching the 'daily politics show' at lunchtime today and I needed some Ianto therapy to calm me down...**


	2. Chapter 2

**48 HOURS**

It wasn't often that Ianto got bored.

In fact he could probably count on one hand how many times he had been bored in his entire life. Boredom just didn't figure in his world. Ianto was always busy, not always with tasks he enjoyed, but he could not recall a time when he had been at a loss for something to do or being uninterested in what he was doing.

Until now.

It was Owen's fault. Well Ianto liked to blame it on Owen anyway, because he needed someone to blame. In reality it was just down to sod's law and because Ianto happened to be Torchwood's only archivist. His predicament had proved one thing.

The lockdown mechanism worked very efficiently.

Ianto sighed unhappily and paced for the umpteenth time around the confines of the isolation room, which resembled a large, oblong goldfish tank. He'd been sealed in there for some hours now and he watched as the rest of the team finally removed their hazmat suits on the other side of the glass.

It had been one of those stupid things. Exploding artefacts? Well that had been his first. Not in the bomb sense of the word. An innocuous soft glob of what had shown up on Toshiko's scanners as completely lifeless and pointless and therefore harmless.

Oh yes, the 'H' word.

Ianto had taken the object, which felt like putty even through his handling gloves, and placed it in a plastic tray and carried it down to the lower levels for storage. Tray held carefully in both hands he made his way to his precious archive, shuddering at the change in temperature (because it was cold and damp in the tunnels) and the bloody thing had exploded with a massive puff of fine powder that covered Ianto from head to foot.

The lockdown happened in a chorus of shrill alarms and the sealing of the doors both in front and behind of him. In the same instant Ianto had dropped the tray in surprise and backed away from the object. Too late of course. He remembered thanking God he'd been wearing a paper surgeon's mask because he'd had a cold and was kind enough not to share his unwanted germs with his colleagues.

Right now he was annoyed as well as bored. He'd had to wait some hours before the team had rescued him from the sealed corridor and bundled him into the iso containment area. Gwen and Tosh had then been sent away to clean the mess up. Ianto had had to strip and endure a scrub down under hot and then freezing water and then UV lamps until his skin felt raw and tingly and his entire naked body was on view for all to see. Owen had then examined him, thoroughly and finally allowed him to dress in a set of cotton surgical scrubs before he was sealed into the holding area to wait out his decontamination period.

Ianto contemplated the bored factor of his predicament and wondered if that was somehow inappropriate. He should probably be worried. The others certainly looked worried on his behalf.

Jack shooed them all away and then stood on the outside with his hand against the glass and Ianto thought he looked thoroughly forlorn. He stepped forwards his hand meeting Jack's on the other side of the physical barrier between them.

"You okay?" Came softly over the speakers in his cell.

Ianto thought it was a rather daft question, but he smiled at Jack anyway because Jack looked like he needed him to.

"I won't need another shower for a week."

"We should have you out of there in a couple of days. I'm sorry, but we have to be sure."

"I know Jack and I don't mind, really. Well I do because it'll get in the way of my doing my job. I'm already behind on the mission log filing for this week."

It was nice to see Jack's sombre expression lift with an affectionate smile. "Only you would worry about that. I could do some of it for you?"

Ianto wondered at this moment how to avoid offending his boss, friend and lover all rolled into the delightful form of one Captain Jack Harkness.

"Please don't Jack. I have a system that works well and make sure no one touches the coffee machine, Starbucks is just round the corner."

Jack chuckled. "Now that's just mean, but don't worry I will guard that machine with my life. I don't want it damaged either." Jack paused for a moment. He hated this waiting whilst Owen ran his tests to make sure that Ianto was indeed safe.

"Is there anything I can get for you?"

Ianto stepped back from the glass and dropped his hand to his side. "Can I have a networked lap top? At least then I can deal with my emails and the digital logs for this week."

Jack sighed. "I was meaning something nice, like a drink or food."

"Uhmm, not hungry really but one of your cups of tea would be nice. You make good tea." Ianto sat down on the cot and picked at the sheets neatly folded beside him.

Reluctantly Jack moved away. "Okay, no problem. I'll be back down in a bit."

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

"I've got the lap top."

Tosh's voice startled Ianto from his doze and he sat up on the cot, scattering the covers to the floor.

She was smiling through the glass and Ianto could only manage a long yawn in return. He wondered where Jack was and how long he'd been asleep. He noticed a cold mug of tea in the air lock chamber. He stood up and stretched.

"Thanks Tosh, what time is it?"

Toshiko slid the laptop through the exchange slot in the air lock. "It's almost mid night. Jack and Owen are heading back with a new weevil that was hit by a car. Owen's going to try and patch it up before they release it back into the sewer. Gwen's gone home for the night and I shall go home once Owen and Jack get back. I wanted you to have this before I left and to say good night." She also placed a plate of salad sandwiches and cake with a bottle of water on the tray.

"I made some supper for you. I hope it's alright."

Ianto nodded. "Thank you Tosh."

She hesitated at the glass. "Well, good night Ianto, I'll see you in the morning. Is there anything for breakfast you'd like me to bring in?"

Ianto came over to the glass and smiled gratefully at her. "A bacon and mushroom butty from Cathy's Café, she knows our usual breakfast order. That would be lovely."

He looked at her closely noticing the fine worry lines around her dark eyes. "I'll be alright Tosh, Owen is on the case and the first set of tests were fine. Go home and get some rest. The only thing that is going to do me in here is boredom." He said gently.

Toshiko nodded. "Okay, rest well."

"Good night Tosh."

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

It was ok for a couple of hours. He had about a dozen reports to proof and send to Jack's email for printing and signing off. It didn't take him long to do. After that he checked his emails both professional and personal (not many of the latter) and dealt with those.

Now he had nothing to do or at least nothing he could do from the confines of the iso lab. He set the lap top aside and stretched out on the cot and stared at the ceiling and the air filtration vent. His gaze went to his socked feet and he wriggled his toes and then stretched his feet down and back again. Ianto knew logically he should try and go back to sleep, but he had no way of lowering the light levels and did not want to disturb Jack and Owen who'd be working in the main area of the Hub. It was weird being surrounded by the soft whooshing of the air con and faint buzzing from the pumps the filtered the air. But there was no other sound unless he made it himself and he missed the bustle of his team mates moving and chattering around him. He wanted to get up and tidy up the Hub and make coffee. Ground himself in his monotonous routine. It wasn't until now did he realise how much he relied on the mundane tasks to keep him anchored and coping with the craziness of a Torchwood life. He flexed his fingers and toes, hyper aware of every nuance of his body. The slight persistent ache in his lower back, the tension in his left calf muscle and the unconscious sense of wrongness in his skin at the point on his throat where that cannibal had almost…. After all this time the ghost of that experience still made him feel like he'd somehow survived that day when he shouldn't have.

The silence was making him think too much.

Ianto lurched to his feet and began pacing the length and breadth of the room. His soft footfalls not enough to disturb the quiet.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

"What is he doing?" Owen was watching his CCTV monitor with worry. Jack handed him a mug of tea and looked at the screen.

"He's pacing." He replied, unconcerned. "Ianto does that a lot at home too. When he has nothing to do and he can't sleep, he paces."

Owen frowned at Jack. "You know this how?"

"Tosh and I were monitoring him during his suspension, but I am pretty sure you've figured out by now that I regularly stay at Ianto's flat. I was kinda hoping it would encourage him to work fewer hours, but all he does is that instead." Jack explained.

Owen's gaze went back to the monitor. "He's still having the nightmares then?"

Jack nodded. "Most nights, but he does sleep better than he used to. Anyway I shall take him down some tea and keep him company for a bit. I take it nothing untoward has shown up on the iso sensors?"

"So far, so good. The analysis of the powder has also come up okay. We probably don't need to keep him down there, but we have to be sure Jack."

"I know. I shall pass on the good news though; hopefully he won't be quite so worried."

"Yeah, good idea."

TTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWWTWTWTW

"Hey, I brought you some tea and biscuits." Jack took the tray into the air lock.

Ianto swung round, startled out of his reverie. "Thanks Jack. Everything alright with that weevil?"

Jack shook his head. "It didn't make it, which is probably a mercy considering how bad it's injuries were."

"Any clean up required?"

"No, the driver of the car was so drunk he had no idea he'd even crashed his car, so we just put in an anonymous call to the police."

Ianto retrieved his tray. "Thanks for this."

"You're welcome. Owen completed his tests on the powder, looks like it is nothing to worry about. It's still running through Tosh's machine but I suspect that will come up negative too. All the bio sensors in here are coming up green. So are you feeling ok?" Jack grabbed himself a chair and sat down by the glass and Ianto joined him on the opposite side, his mug of tea in hand.

"I'm bored."

"Yeah, I saw you pacing. You were asleep earlier."

"I think I was just exhausted, being scrubbed down inside and out is pretty unpleasant."

Jack couldn't agree more, having to do it had been no fun either. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"Don't apologise Jack. It had to be done. It's not the first time I have had to go through it. I'd rather this than be responsible for some horrid plague sweeping through Cardiff."

"Yeah I know."

Ianto glanced over his shoulder and took in the room. "I might make some changes to the set up in here though, at least then I'd be able to make myself a hot drink without having to bother everyone else."

Jack smiled. "It's no bother, but you're right. We didn't think of that. Once you're out of there, set that up. I have no doubt we'll have to make use of this thing again at some point in the future."

Ianto turned and met Jack's look. "Can you do you me a favour?"

"Of course."

"I'm going to have a very hungry cat by the end of tomorrow, could you or Tosh drop by my house and feed him?"

Jack smiled. "I can do that. I'll bring over a set of clothes for you too, since we had to incinerate what you were wearing when…. Well powder puff happened."

A grin broke out on Ianto's face and Jack thought it made him look ten years younger.

"I thought naming things was my job?"

"Actually Owen came up with that one."

Ianto rolled his eyes in amusement. "I liked that suit."

"So did I. I shall have to find you a new one to replace it."

"You don't need to do that. My expenses account will cover it."

Jack shrugged and offered up a gentle smile. "I know, but I want to."

Ianto felt himself blush. "I'd like that." He took a sip of his tea and closed his eyes. "Uhmm that's good, thank you."

Jack just drank in the sight.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

The overhead lights were giving him a headache, why they hadn't thought to make them adjustable was beyond him. Ianto buried his head under the pillow and groaned as white pain shot through his temples. It took him a moment to register Owen's voice and when he moved the pillow a shadow loomed over him. Ianto jumped and let out a rather girly shriek.

"Oh shit!"

The suited bulk of the medic stepped. "It's me you twat! I need to run some tests."

Ianto closed his eyes and leant back against the steel wall. "Sorry, you startled me, is all."

"Yeah well, you look like shit, so I am running some more tests. How do you feel?"

Ianto held out his arm to Owen so he could attach a blood pressure cuff.

"I have a headache. It's probably the lights and the filtered air though." He replied, his other hand going to his forehead.

"Any nausea, dizziness?"

Ianto nodded. "Feel a bit sick, but then I normally do if I get a headache like this."

Owen finished his readings and then took a blood sample, which made Ianto's queasiness worse at the sight of the needle. Another needle was held up.

"I have Imigran here for the headache, seems to be one your normal migraines."

Ianto nodded.

"Show me your backside then."

Ianto obliged and winced the needle went in. Owen stepped back medical appliances in his gloved hands. He looked like some bulky monster in the Haz Mat suit. Ianto settled himself down and pulled the covers over himself.

"Jack's working on the lights."

As if on cue they dimmed considerably and Ianto sighed with relief. "Thanks."

"Get some rest mate."

Ianto fell into sleep.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

"Owen, how is he?"

Owen glanced up to the gallery level of the autopsy bay to see three pairs of eyes staring down at him.

He huffed out a sigh. "He's fine. It is just a bad headache. His blood work, BP, Pulse and resps are all fine."

There were collective sighs of relief. Jack was the first to move. "Okay, back to work everyone. I'm going to Ianto's flat to feed his cat and bring in a change of clothes. Pizza for lunch ?"

There were nods all round. Jack left, going by his office to don his greatcoat and lamenting the fact that Ianto wasn't there to help him into it.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Tosh stood at the glass and was smiling at the sight of Ianto sprawled on his back, the blankets bunched around his waist and the sound of gentle snores filtered through the speakers. She had never seen him quite so relaxed and she wondered (quite correctly) if Owen had added a sedative to meds he had given the younger man.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Not only was Jupiter hungry, he was rather disappointed by the fact that it was Jack feeding him and not Ianto. Jupiter still managed an obligatory purr and rub of the booted ankles, but he tucked into his dinner the moment the plate touched the floor. After that Jack was ignored.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Ianto studied the little box in his hand and then smiled up at Tosh.

"It's a dimmer control for the lights." Tosh explained. "Just turn the knob."

"Thanks, it's a brilliant idea."

She was beaming at him. "Jack made it. We'll sort out something permanent when you come out of there."

Thankfully Ianto was looking much better, rested.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?"

Ianto shook his head. "Not unless you can you send me some work to do on the lap top."

"I can actually. It's pretty tedious stuff, just data analysis but…."

Ianto nodded eagerly. "No problem, send it down to me."

"Alright then."

Toshiko turned to leave and sighed to herself, wishing there was more she could do to help Ianto.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

"Is the food alright?"

Ianto glanced up from his Chinese takeaway, he swallowed his mouthful.

"Heaven, Mr Choi's does the best special fried rice."

Jack smiled then continued to eat his fish and chips.

"You know you could be eating that in the comfort of the boardroom with the others." Ianto commented.

Jack shrugged. "Yeah but I thought you'd like some company."

They continued to eat for a while before Ianto spoke again. "Thanks for this."

Sometime later and they both put aside empty containers and wrappers and sat facing one another. Ianto had a bottle of water which he idly moved from one hand to the other.

Jack leaned forward his chair resting his elbows on his knees. "You know Ianto, have you ever thought about what you would have done after Canary Wharf if you didn't have Lisa to think about?"

Ianto arched an eyebrow, taken aback by the question. "No, not really. I dunno, I just assumed I'd always be with her and when I lost her, well there was just nothing. I think maybe I would have killed myself. I don't think I could have lived with the memories."

Jack nodded, saddened by the answer. "But you're here now, you survived and you are living with the memories."

Ianto shrugged. "I survived Jack because you gave me no choice but to. You wouldn't execute me or give me Retcon. You made me live with my guilt and shame and you helped me come to terms with it all, as best as one can do. If I'd not had that…. Well you understand." He wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it, but with Jack asking he would never refuse to talk, not now.

"We could've lost you yesterday." Jack whispered.

"Jack you could lose any one of us any day. That's Torchwood. I nearly got my brains blown out by that idiot Dale a few weeks ago. That last weevil we dealt with too."

Jack didn't want the reminder. "I could have lost you. I'm not ready for that." He added quietly.

Their eyes met through the glass and Ianto found himself holding his breath for a moment. "I'm not ready for it either Jack."

"You could leave, start a new life, no retcon. Be a father, have a job at the university or something…."

Ianto raised his hand to the glass. "Jack stop this and listen to me. I like my job a lot. I care a great deal about the people I work with. I'm good at what I do and I am needed right where I am. I choose this life."

Jack's hand met his. "But…"

Ianto brought his face closer to the glass. "I am the happiest I have ever been Jack. I feel like I am part of something special. You take that away from me and there is nothing and I'd rather not have the memories at all."

There was a gentle thud as Jack's forehead touched the window. He was relieved.

"I am glad to hear it."

"Good, now can we get onto talking about something more interesting please?" Ianto smiled at him encouragingly and then Jack's face lit up as he sat back in his chair.

"I have an idea." A naughty grin spread across his face.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Gwen didn't really know what to do with herself. She felt awkward around Ianto at the best of times, especially since the incident with the whale from space. She was also certain that Ianto had been very unhappy about Rhys being aware of Torchwood, but privately she thought it more to do with her own words spoken in desperation to the team as a whole. Ianto's life hadn't been cold and lonely until the Cybermen took it away from him. Her speech had hurt him and yet Ianto had been too polite and too loyal to Jack to make comment. Gwen was also aware of how much her presence in Jack's life impacted on his 'relationship' with Jack. She wasn't stupid, it was clear Ianto idolised the man and Gwen could understand that. Jack was magnificent, beautiful and sadly, not hers. Gwen shook her head as she made her way down to the vaults where the iso chamber was set up. She only had to ask Ianto about some files she needed and make sure he was okay. It would be fine. Perhaps a chance for her to talk to him and mend a fence or two. Gwen turned the corner and stepped through the door and stopped….

"Oh my God!"

"Jeez Gwen!"

She turned her back walked straight out again blushing furiously, but not before getting an eye full of Jack's naked arse. Gwen pulled the door to.

"Get your clothes on Jack; I want to talk to Ianto about these files you asked me to look at." She wondered why her boss was naked and then decided it was best not to think too much about it. At least Ianto was getting some entertainment.

"Okay come on in."

Gwen sighed. Jack was still pulling on his t shirt when she entered the chamber. There was a massive smile on his face. Ianto on the other side of the glass looked mid-way between mortified and trying not to laugh, his face flushed pink.

"Well at you two are enjoying yourselves, the rest of minions have been working." She said with a smile.

Jack gathered up his things. "We'll continue this later Mr Jones." He sauntered past Gwen and out of the room.

Gwen stood there for a moment, gaping like a fish.

"Er Gwen?" Ianto's voice brought her back to herself.

"Sorry I interrupted."

Ianto shrugged. "It's okay. Was there something I could help you with?" He asked quickly regaining his composure.

"Oh yes. Jack wanted me to get some files from the archive, but I thought I'd run it by you first." She stuck her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

"Is it urgent?"

Gwen shook her head. "Not really and to be honest I think he was just trying to annoy me. He's been in one of those moods today."

Ianto rolled his eyes knowing exactly what Gwen meant. "What were the files?"

Gwen had to think for a minute. "From 1967, a downed space craft near Luton and another….."

"1972, a similar incident in the Lake District?"

Gwen nodded. "Wow you really are walking library."

"It's my job to be Gwen. I'll talk to Jack and try to find out what it is he's trying to find out about….. that's a terrible sentence."

"I understood it, that's good enough for me."

Ianto scratched at his head. "So, how's things?"

Gwen took the chair and sat down and Ianto followed her move. "Things are good. It's easier you know, being able to talk to Rhys and not lie to him all the time."

"And he's okay about it all?"

Gwen wasn't sure. "Sometimes. He doesn't like me being in danger and he thinks Jack is far too handsome for his own good."

Ianto nodded. "I'm glad it's helping. I just worry about the risk to him. It's why I protested about the Retcon."

"Yeah, Jack grilled me about not giving too much away, but at least now I can share some of it. He won't tell Ianto, Rhys is a good bloke."

"I know he is, you're lucky to have him."

Gwen looked up and saw deep sadness in Ianto's eyes. "Yes I am. You know I am sorry about what I said the other week."

Ianto waved his hand as if to brush the apology aside. "Just make the most of what you have with Rhys. I know Torchwood makes things difficult, but he's the anchor to the real world that you have and the rest of us don't. He's the reminder of why we do what we do."

Gwen pushed her dark stray tresses away from her face and offered up a heartfelt grin. "Yes he is. Can I ask about you and Jack?"

Ianto shrugged. "You can ask."

"Right, sorry. Not my business."

"Leave the files Gwen. I shall get them for you tomorrow, Jack knows you lot are banned from the paper copies and that section of the archive hasn't been digitised yet."

Gwen took that as a polite dismissal and stood up. "Thanks Ianto."

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

The shower was heavenly. Hot water massaging sore muscles and Jacks fingers kneading at his flesh in small circles over his slick back, their game of 'quarantine strip' over. It was the most intimate thing they'd ever done together and Ianto relaxed into the fold of Jack's arms around him and sighed with content.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: A pointless piece really, but just a conversation in the wake of Adrift.**

It made a pleasant change to have a day off. The day was made infinitely better by the warm spring sunshine and light, fresh breeze coming off the Bristol Channel. Ianto had woken up early as normal but decided to stay in bed, just for the sake of it but after ten minutes of trying to relax he gave up the idea of a lie-in as a bad job. There were things to do. His flat needed a clean-up and he really needed to do his laundry, visit the dry cleaners and do some grocery shopping for Hub and home. Okay not so much of a day off then. He got out of bed and immediately tripped over an abandoned pile of clothes on the floor. Not his clothes and cursing he gathered up Jacks things and bundled them into the laundry basket by his chest of drawers. It was then he realised he could hear the shower going in the en-suit bathroom and was puzzled by the fact that Jack was in his house, using his bathroom when he should be in at the Hub. It was then he noticed that his hands were covered in blood and the spot where Jack had dumped his clothes on the floor now sported a large dark red stain on his nearly new carpet. Ianto was torn between being annoyed and upset and decided on the latter.

Jack must've died last night and come back here to clean up and recover himself before going back into work. As it was things were a little strained between them and Ianto wasn't quite sure where he stood with Jack. The Flat Holm business of the previous week had caused many things to be said, not all of them nice between the two of them. Ianto was feeling a gut churning mix of guilt and anger. Somehow they were carrying on as before, but not. It was most unsettling and Ianto really didn't know what to do or what to say about it. Ianto decided to forget about worrying over things, wash his hands and make coffee. He needed coffee and there was no doubt Jack would want some too before heading back into the Hub. He padded through his house in bare feet, hitching up his loose pyjama bottoms as he stood at the kitchen bench deciding which blend to make.

He was fully engrossed in his preparations when Jack stepped into kitchen and stood in the doorway, towelling at wet hair. Jack drank in the sight of Ianto's smooth and pale naked back and firm curves of his arse which was covered in blue cotton pants. He looked very much like the young man he actually was instead of the super-efficient office boy come field agent of Torchwood Cardiff. He watched as Ianto carefully selected measures of coffee beans from three different bags and added them to the grinder with pinches of spices from a half dozen different pots. Jack loved this ritual, the sight of Ianto raw and beautiful made his chest tighten and he realised as he watched that the feeling inside him was one of regret.

"You died again, didn't you?" There was deadness to the tone that matched the subject of Ianto's words.

Jack could only manage a shrug, which Ianto did not see.

"You tear strips off me for doing what I believed was the right thing and then you come here and leave your blood all over my carpets and expect me to…. Expect me to anchor you back in the land of the living in my bed. You treat your relationships like trinkets in airports, sufficient to lead you astray for a few moments, but not worth keeping after the holiday is done."

Jack frowned at Ianto's back, taken by surprise at the venom behind what the younger man was saying.

"Is that what you really think of me?"

Ianto swung round not entirely sure why he was saying this now. "No, it's how I feel Jack. I know I fucked up last week because I had no idea that Gwen would do what she did and I am sorry for Nikki Bevan's sake, but I will not apologise for what I did. You've always told me to hold on to my principles. It made me realise that we'd never be able to hold this thing together between us. I will always be fighting with you and you will always assume that I will just do as you tell me, no matter what." The anger was pouring off Ianto in waves. Jack could feel it like the unbearable pressure of an oncoming thunderstorm.

He wanted to leave, just turn away and forget the whole damn thing, because it hurt. Ianto's words cut through him deeply. His fingers tightened around the fabric of the towel gripped in his hands. He wasn't used to arguments of this nature, not since Lucia and they had battled one another fiercely in decades gone by. Did he really want to go through this again? Jack looked at Ianto, stood there rigid with tension his fists balled at his side.

Ianto had never looked more beautiful.

Jack did not know what to do.

The silence was all consuming.

It was Ianto who broke the impasse turning back to the coffee making; his shoulders slumped in apparent defeat.

Jack sighed. "Do you want me to go?"

"No Jack, this is your home as much as it is mine."

Since when?

Jack balked in confusion, backing up a step unsure of an appropriate response. None came.

The silence was back, itching at Jack's skin like fleas on a stray dog. He felt like one. Something Ianto had taken pity on. He wasn't sure how he felt about it all, other than terrified. Everything was so much easier when they were in the Hub. Torchwood shielded him from too much attachment.

In theory at least.

Jack realised belatedly that he was dumbstruck.

A mug of coffee was pressed into his hands as the towel was taken away.

"You look like you need this."

Jack curled his fingers around the ceramic. "Thanks." His gaze went to the mug in his grasp. He listened as Ianto shuffled around his kitchen for a moment before coming still and Jack could just see his bare feet in his peripheral vision. There was a resigned sigh.

"Now I've done it. Are you going to run away from me now?"

Jack didn't know. He didn't want to, but knew that he should for both their sakes.

"Do you want me to?" He kept his gaze lowered. How was it that Ianto could do this to him?

"Do you really need to ask me that?"

"Do you always answer a question with a question?"

He heard Ianto huff in exasperation. "Do you?"

Jack shrugged, feeling like he was five years old again and standing before his father. Ianto deserved better from him. He felt Ianto approach, a shadow moving closer and the warmth of a hand on his arm.

"Jack, what's going on?"

The anger was gone, replaced with concerned compassion. Ianto was good at that, always knowing when not to push and always knowing when he should and somehow Jack realised that this was a very important conversation he shouldn't back down from. He wanted to flee.

"Talk to me, please."

Jack lifted his gaze and met blue. It took his breath for a moment. Pure Ianto, the sight of him, the smell of him and his warmth seeping through the point of contact like a balm.

Jack felt himself release something far deeper than his breath.

"God, this is so hard." It was a moment before he figured out that those words had left his own lips.

"I know." It was gentle.

Jack hitched a half-hearted smile but couldn't think of anything more to say. He was fixed in Ianto's searching gaze like an insect in amber.

"You know I would do anything for you, to give you better memories, to make your long life just a bit more bearable, but I will not blindly follow orders if I think they are wrong. But whatever happens at work Jack this is your home, I want you to be able to be Jack here, not Torchwood."

"And yet you moan about the mess."

Ianto smiled at that. "Think of me as being a domestic drama queen. You know I hate mess, I'm sorry."

Jack nodded. "I can't give you….."

Ianto's grasp on him tightened. "I'm not asking you to. Only you can make that decision. You know what I want. Just accept what I offer without feeling confined, I'll be content with that. I trust you Jack. I know how hard it is to care or to love. The best things are always the hardest won. We both want things we can't have; that's life. All I ask is that you don't use me as stress relief, if that is all you want then find a one night stand and get it out of your system…."

Jack stilled, what was that really how things were between them?

"Ianto, you are not stress relief."

"I don't know that Jack."

Jack pulled himself away and placed his untouched coffee on the bench. Ianto was about to follow him but Jack turned to face him again and Ianto stopped.

"I should go."

Ianto stepped aside to clear the doorway in defeat but Jack was stuck.

"You remember last week?"

Ianto nodded. "How could I forget?"

Jack shoved his hands into his pockets to hide them. "You held me. You held me for two hours while I vented my despair."

Ianto frowned, apparently unsure about where the conversation was going. "I'd do it again if I thought it would help you."

"But you're angry now."

"Yes, I suppose I am."

Jack edged a pace closer, pleading with his eyes for Ianto to understand and somehow he did.

"It's not you Jack, well not entirely. It's everything we face, it leaves nothing in its wake and always we lose just a little bit more of ourselves to it. One day there'll nothing left and I'll be dead before then anyway, but you won't be and I don't want to leave you with nothing."

Jack's heart ached under his ribs and Ianto continued on.

"If you have this place, me, and some shelter from all that crap out there then hopefully it means you can hold on to something of yourself for longer. It's all I have to give."

It was the most frightening thing and Jack swallowed down his fear and held out his hands.

Ianto didn't hesitate in taking them and Jack pulled Ianto to him and in releasing his hands enfolded him in a tight embrace. He cradled Ianto's head to his shoulder and buried his face in his hair, inhaling deeply.

"You are amazing."

He felt Ianto's arms around him like the shield that he so often tried to be and Jack realised he was home.

They stood there, as close to one another as they could possibly get and allowed the world to turn without them, if only for a little while.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: A meaningless piece really which is why it is in this disconnections folder, just some random thoughts and flexing of fingers whilst dealing with the frustrations of back ache and lack of new Ianto centric Torchwood on the telly...**

**Still off to see Blue Gillespie tomorrow and a visit to Ianto's wall.**

**ARCHITECTURE AND MORALITY**

Owen rubbed his hands over his face and heaved out a relieved sigh as he slumped back on to the ratty couch.

Clean-up was complete. The Hub was almost back to normal. Jack was locked away in his office, Gwen and Toshiko had finally been sent home and the dinosaur was sulking up in the rafters.

There was just one more thing to deal with.

Ianto.

A few hours ago Jack had wrenched the boy up by the scruff of his neck and slung him into a cell. Everyone else had been too shocked to object at the rough treatment and no one had been down to see him since. Owen couldn't blame them really after what had happened.

Stupid, good for nothing Tea Boy, who was now a traitor about to face execution or Retcon and Owen imagined that Jack was in his office trying to decide which. Execution would be easier, but Jack was no murderer and he knew he sure as Hell couldn't kill the boy either. Perhaps a couple of hours ago when he was still angry, more than angry, he'd been downright scared with it. Owen stared up at the ceiling trying to sort out what it was he was actually feeling right now. The adrenaline was wearing off, his head was aching and he wanted to go out and get drunk. His work for the day wasn't done though. He needed to check on Ianto and if he were honest with himself he was putting it off, just a little bit. Owen also realised he'd probably have to get Jack's permission first anyway. One quick glance in the direction of Jack's office told him he didn't want to go there either.

It had been one Hell of a day and Owen just didn't want to analyse what they had all missed. Ianto's deception only made possible because the rest of the team had treated him like little more than a convenient house keeper. Owen knew they were all guilty of it, he perhaps most of all because aside from one cursory medical exam when Ianto had started nine months previously, Owen had pretty much ignored him. Ianto had been dismissed as one of Jack's dalliances soon to be disposed of once the Captain got bored with his new toy. No one had made any effort to get to know the Welshman and even Gwen had not noticed him. Worse though was the realisation that Ianto was clearly suffering from PTSD as a result of the Canary Wharf battle and Owen had chosen to wait for Ianto to come to him; which he hadn't and therefore nothing had been done. Owen swallowed realising his own failure in his duty as the resident medic.

Reluctantly Owen rose to his feet and made his way to Jack's office. He didn't bother to knock, just went straight in and stood there arms folded across his chest. Jack was writing out a report, probably on the events of the last 24 hours. Owen watched as the nib of the fountain pen glided over the officially headed paper. Jack always wrote his reports out by hand with the same old pen and Owen could see neat copperplate script.

"I thought I sent you home hours ago." Jack continued to write as he spoke, the exhaustion evident in his subdued tone.

Owen shoved his hands into his pockets. "I need to check the Tea Boy. He's got injuries that require attention and I suspect he'll need a sedative to get him through the night."

Jack's hand stilled and he looked up. There was darkness in his eyes that Owen found just a little unsettling. Jack put the cap on his pen and placed it down on top of the document he had been working on.

"Ok, get what you need, including a set of surgical scrubs. I'll sort out some bedding because he is staying in that cell until I decide what to do with him."

Owen couldn't argue with that. "He'll need some food and water as well." He glanced at his watch. "I don't think he's eaten anything since yesterday morning."

Jack got to his feet. "I'll sort that out after you've done what you need to do. We'll meet by his cell in twenty minutes." He was all business, not wanting Owen to see just how affected he was by what Ianto had done.

"Right boss."

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Jack stood at the glass looking into the 9 metre squared chamber of old brick and mould and was shocked to discover just how much his shattered team member looked like part of the furniture. The man, Ianto Jones was huddled into the furthest corner on the stone floor, arms wrapped around his legs with his knees tightly tucked under his chin. Ianto's back faced the dirt spattered glass. It was disturbing to see how small he looked, like everything had been sucked out of him and Jack knew it probably had.

Jack was still angry, his pride stung and that hurt. It was something he wasn't used to. He thought he could read people. He thought he knew Ianto, but the Welshman was as blank to him as the Victorian brickwork that surrounded them, that withheld its secrets and was rank with bitter history. He wanted to hurt Ianto, to get back at him for being used and played, but the bigger part of him, the one nurtured by the Doctor and Rose wanted to reach out and help. Jack wondered if Ianto would let him, he wondered if there was enough left of the young man to salvage him. How do you convince a man who has lost everything that life is worth hanging on to? Ianto had been given no cause to believe that anyone cared, after all. That was a sour pill to swallow, the truth and Ianto had been right. No one had cared when it was it was so obvious just how broken Ianto actually was.

He huffed out a sigh wondering if Ianto was even aware of his presence. Gritty scrapings of the main door behind indicated Owen's arrival and the medic entered the vault carrying his field kit and a set of clean surgical scrubs.

"Right let's do this shall we?"

Jack keyed in the unlock code and the glass door swung away. Jack rested his hand against the secure weight of his Webley, but decided to keep the weapon holstered for now.

"Ianto?"

He and Owen watched from the doorway as Ianto made no move whatsoever. They exchanged looks and then Owen bustled forward and placed the items he was carrying on the concrete ledge that served as bed. There was no comfort in here.

"Ianto mate, come on Tea Boy I need to check you over." Owen decided trying to show at least some compassion might be best.

He was ignored.

Owen glanced over his shoulder at Jack who came into the cell and closed the door behind him. Jack shrugged, really not quite sure how to handle this.

"Ianto, on your feet!" Jack commanded.

Ianto didn't move and Owen watched him closely. Just visible was the sign that he was indeed breathing, but it appeared shallow and laboured. Owen edged forwards and reached out a hand and rested it on Ianto's shoulder.

"Come on, up you get. Let me check you over."

There was still no response and Owen's concern over road any sense of antipathy toward the Welshman. He crouched down at Ianto's side and gently tugged at his shoulder.

Ianto's face was grey, streaked with blood and spectacularly coloured with deep bruising down one side. He is eyes were half open and completely blank and Owen sucked in a hissed breath.

"Help me get him up Jack. I think he's gone into some kind of Post Trauma Shock."

Jack knelt down at Owen's side close to the wall against which Ianto was huddled so tightly there was no space between him and the cold brickwork.

"Step back, Owen. I'll get him up." Jack kept his voice low and Owen moved away to give Jack a little space. He watched as Jack carefully wrapped powerful arms around the archivist and forced him upright in one swift move. Jack swung him round and planted him on the shelf next to Owen's bag. Owen thought he heard a hiss of breath as Jack let Ianto go and Ianto curled himself up as tight as he could, his arms hugging his ribs, his eyes to the ground. Owen was surprised to see Jack kneel in front of the Tea Boy and grasp his hands.

"Ianto, Owen needs to examine you, come on now."

The hands were pulled away and tucked into his lap and Ianto looked into Jack's face. Owen registered the horror in Jack's eyes as he met Ianto's glare.

"There's no point. Just shoot me and be done with it." There was no conviction in Ianto's ragged voice, just defeat.

Jack glanced up at Owen and the medic took that as his signal to get started so he took his Bekaran scanner and began his work. Jack returned his attention to Ianto.

"No one is going to shoot you. I know what I said before, but it was a threat not a promise."

Ianto lowered his head and covered his face with shaking hands.

"Shoot me, please."

Owen paused in his task.

"Bollocks to that Tea Boy, you're not turning one of us into a murderer, you wanna die you can do it to yourself you selfish git." He couldn't help himself, the anger and fear of the day finally showing.

Ianto held out a hand to Jack and stared straight into his boss' eyes.

"Then give me the fucking gun!" He seethed.

Jack backed off a pace and stood up, fury coming off his tense body in waves.

"You're not getting off that lightly Ianto." He snapped.

Ianto shrunk down and moved back along the ledge into the corner. He curled himself up.

Owen began to check his scan results.

"I'll some bloods from you, give me your arm." He tried to sound dispassionate and professional, but it was hard.

Ianto sat up and yanked off his filthy jacket and rolled up a shirt sleeve; more dark bruising became apparent. Owen prepared a syringe and took the samples without further comment. Once done he stepped back.

"There's clean scrubs for you if you want them."

Ianto ignored him as he pulled his jacket back on and resumed his foetal position against the brickwork. It took Owen a moment to realise that Jack had left the cell so he gathered up his bag and followed him. Jack locked the cell behind them and they both made their way quietly back up into the operations area of the Hub.

Owen went straight to the autopsy bay to begin the blood analysis and Jack trailed along behind him.

"Well?"

Owen got the work aware that Jack was loitering.

"He's got a lot of bruising and three cracked ribs, but otherwise unharmed."

Jack sat down on the tiled steps. "What a mess."

Owen shrugged. "Yeah. What are we gonna do with him Jack?"

Jack had no idea. "I don't want to lose him; Torchwood three has never been run more efficiently since he arrived. I think he could become a valuable member to this team. What he did took guts and that kind of loyalty could be nurtured into something useful to us."

"Do you think he'll go along with that?" Owen really couldn't see it himself.

Jack sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face. "He was right Owen, we never cared. Maybe we can make up for that, help him heal, give him a new purpose."

"What? Just like that?"

"Of course not. He'll have to earn our trust, live with his guilt. I am not saying it is going to be easy for him, but Torchwood is ultimately to blame for what happened and I am the senior most member of the institute, therefore it is my responsibility. I have to give him a chance."

"No Retcon then?"

"Wiping three and a half years of memory? You might was as well consign him to Providence Park for the rest of his life. I was once given a second chance and my sins were far worse than his. I acted out of greed, not love. I want to try."

Owen frowned, feeling slightly pissed off. "Aren't you mad at him? I know I bloody am!"

Jack nodded. "Of course I am angry, he used me and tricked me, but he's just a boy who lost everything."

"Okay. As his doctor I shall have to prescribe counselling and probably anti-depressants as well. I also need to get back in that cell and bind those ribs. He'll need to be on suicide watch Jack, for a few days at least."

"Right then, we'll go back in there, get him down to the showers and then you can sort out his ribs and give him some painkillers or something. I'll order some take outs once we're done with that and keep an eye on him for tonight."

Owen nodded, relieved and annoyed in the same breath. He knew it would be a while before he could forgive Ianto completely, but he was half way there.

"Sounds like a plan."


End file.
